


Photograph (Songfic)

by lothloxrien



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Also sad ending (kinda?), Angst, Death, Depressed Remus Lupin, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mostly just very depressing and sad, Not Canon Compliant, Songfic, marauders (mentioned) - Freeform, there's a bit of fluff in chapter two tho, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 15:16:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20509115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lothloxrien/pseuds/lothloxrien
Summary: "It was the only thing Remus had left and it meant so much. The picture was his only proof that there once had been a happy time when he had felt loved and had never been alone. Not even on a full moon."A songfic based on Ed Sheeran's "Photograph"





	1. Losing

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for a little sonfic contest I created with my friends for fun but I liked the piece quite a lot so I decided to post it! I gotta say tho, his was supposed to be about Wolfstar but i got carried away and this very angsty thing happened.
> 
> Also ; this fanfic is mostly about Remus being depressed and it's not dealing with it in a very healthy way so please be warned. I rated it teens & up because of that but there’s no smut or mention of it.

Remus had lost a lot of things. He had lost James and Lily and Peter and for a way too long while he had also lost Sirius. And losing his dearest friends had broken him more than every night during the full moon ever could have. 

And today, years after that one devastating night, Remus could still feel the hole they left. It was always with him, always burning, always making him feel things, he did not want to feel. Making him feel hurt and so so alone in this cruel world.

_Loving can hurt_

And when Sirius wasn’t lost anymore, but alive and in his arms and definitely _ innocent _ , he could remember all the reasons on why he loved. Because _ his _ love, was with him again and there was a hope so persuading glittering behind Sirius’ eyes that even Remus could only do so much and believe in that glimmer too.

_loving can hurt sometimes _

But then came the day where he lost Sirius again. And the moment Remus knew he was gone he expected the pain to be back but it didn’t come. Not when he had to hold Harry close, keeping him from going after his godfather. Not when he had to listen to Harry’s screams which broke his heart in yet another way he didn’t think was possible.

This time he felt nothing other than betrayal. Because Sirius had given him all his hope back and now he had taken it away with him and Remus was alone. Again. And this time there was no coming back, no wicked twist in the story that could somehow resolve this storm inside him and bring him the love of his love. And he was angry because he had trusted life to not fuck it up for once, but it did. 

_But it's the only thing that I know_

And he hated how familiar it felt; losing. How it somehow didn’t even surprise him that he had lost almost everything. He nearly felt like laughing. He didn’t. 

For weeks all Remus did was hide in his room in Grimmauld Place (which was destroying him itself as everything reminded him of Sirius) until it hit him, the _ almost. _

Because there was still Harry and he had no idea how the boy took it. Hell, Remus had not even thought about it. He was so busy with himself that he forgot Harry. 

_When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes _

And immediately his empty body filled with emotion again as the guilt of letting James’ son go through all of this alone hit him in the chest. Panic pulsed through his veins and his whole body was shaking because he was thinking about Sirius so much that he had forgotten the one person that he still could love. 

He forced himself upwards from the chair he had been sulking in and his legs nearly gave in because he was so weak and the last full moon had been two days ago but it didn’t matter because he had to go make it right. Tears streamed down his face as he searched the house for Harry. With every room that turned out to be empty he felt his heart going more empty too. 

_It is the only thing that makes us feel alive_

And finally, in one of the last unsearched rooms, he found Harry sitting on a couch, a book in his hands. All Remus could do was rush to him and hug him, while telling him just how sorry he was.

“I’m sorry for not being there for you, Harry”, Remus said after letting go of the boy.

“‘s okay. I had the Weasleys and Hermione taking care of me since the year ended”, Harry truthfully told him and Remus made a mental note of properly thanking them another time.

“I’m glad you’re here now, though” he continued after a moment and then picked the book up, which must have fallen down in Remus’ haste. “I’ve got something to show you, actually.”

Harry then handed Remus the book, which turned out to be a photo album, and gave a small smile while handing him a picture.

_We keep this love in a photograph_

Remus felt his heart sink because he _ knew _ the photo way too well. He could have drawn it out with this eyes closed and still, seeing it again shocked him to the core. And he clutched it with his shaky hands and looked at it and looked and looked and looked.

He probably would have never stopped staring, wouldn’t it have been for Harry who seemed to have said something. Remus missed the words but felt himself nodding along to them.

Harry then smiled a real smile, short and tiny but real. "I thought so. I’ll leave you to it then.”

And with that he left and Remus was drowning in memories. He looked at the photo again and began crying for what felt like the hundredth time today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that Harry is WAY too mature for this but i couldn’t find another way to make the plot work in my flow and i decided to keep it like this. Maybe the boy’s just hardened up from Sirius’ death? (Ouch) Who knows.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading the first chapter tho <3


	2. Memories

_ We made these memories for ourselves _

“Moony, wake up”, someone called to him and probably because he didn’t react he was called again, “Remus, C’mon it's an important day, wake up!”

That did make him open his eyes a bit and he was greeted with a still a bit sleepy looking Sirius who smiled down at him softly. Remus didn’t have much time to open his eyes properly or even say anything as delicate lips pressed down on his own in an easy pressure. 

“Happy 17th Birthday, Moony”, Sirius mumbled against his lips and after pressing down for another second he parted from him.

Remus smiled up at him, “Thank you, Pads.”

He then slowly sat up and was immediately hugged by his definitely not clingy boyfriend. Remus buried his head into the unbrushed dark locks of said boyfriend and inhaled the scent that was so typically Sirius. 

_ Where our eyes are never closing _

He could have stayed like this for quite a long time, hadn’t it been for his other best friends who also demanded to gratulate him properly and give him his presents

“Moony, do you know what you turning seventeen means? We can do pranks in the holidays. We can even prank my parents!”, James happily babbled after everything was sorted out and Sirius nodded along importantly.

_ Hearts are never broken _

“Oh, oh, OH, I almost forgot to give you the present”, James suddenly realized and hopped up.

“You already gave him one, Prongs” Sirius snorted “Like five minutes ago.”

“No, no, no. He means another one“, Peter said with a knowing glint in his eyes.

“Hey, did you plan something without me?”

“Sorry, Padfoot”, James said and repressed a tiny laughter “But you can’t keep your mouth shut.”

Sirius playfully crossed his arms and pouted.

James ignored him and handed Remus his present.

_ And time's forever frozen still _

Now he held a photograph in his hands, only a few weeks old and he could not help feeling a bit teary. It showed one of his favorite memories with Sirius, just moments after they first told them that they loved each other. He looked over at his boyfriend and found him smiling fondly at the picture, sensing that the knew too.

_ So you can keep me _

Remus woke up in cold sweat. It had been more than a year already and he was still dreaming of the same day. They weren’t exactly unpleasant dreams, always showing him a kind memoriy, but they always left him feeling things when he woke up.

He felt around on his nightstand and found the photo he couldn’t forget. It was the only thing Remus had left and it meant so much. The picture was his only proof that there once had been a happy time when he had felt loved and had never been alone. Not even on a full moon.

He stared at it, as he did so very often, and noticed a little dog-ear. Sighing, he put the photo away and tried to find sleep for a few more hours. 

_ Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans _

“I want you to have it, Pads“ Remus mumbled while getting the photo out of his robes. 

It had always been with him, since the day he got it. But now their time at Hogwarts was over and so was him keeping the photo in his robes.

“But it’s yours,” Sirius said.

“I’ve had it long enough. I know you love it, I see the way you glance at it.”

“Bu-”

“I have it memorized either way”, Remus added “Take it.”

_ Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet _

Sirius hesitated for another moment but then accepted it with a smile. He pulled Remus close and leaned his forehead against his boyfriends’.

“You’ll get it back someday, when I have it memorized too,” he chuckled “or when I die”

“Then I never want it back,“ Remus replied before kissing Sirius softly.

_ You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home _

Remus pulled his head out of the pensieve. His face was wet, but not just from the water dripping down his cheeks. He should have known that re-watching the memories he had wouldn’t help. His hand slipped into his pocket snd he instantly sighed with relieve as he felt the familiar material of the photo.

Oh, how he wished to be home with his love.


	3. Home

Remus was laying on the ground, bleeding. His whole body hurt and the battle going on around him seemed very far away. Trough the wound on his stomach he was losing blood rapidly and he knew it was hopeless for him.

He was ashamed of himself for leaving Harry alone in the world but he couldn’t help it. Remus had wished for being able to properly say goodbye to him but he wasn’t granted to do so, it appeared.

_ I swear it will get easier _

A short time later or maybe a long one, Remus had already lost the feeling of time, dying didn’t seem so bad to him anymore. The pain began to leave him alone and his limbs started to lose all feeling. Remus' mind could focus on only one fact though: he was going to be with his Sirius again. It wouldn’t be the same but he would be there with him.

And James and Lily would be too. Remus would be able to tell them all about Harry, he could already see their excitement. 

But his mind always wandered back to Sirius. Remus could see him in front of his eyes, more detailed than ever. He was beautiful, as he always had been. Remus just couldn’t wait to kiss him again and feel at home, like he had always done with him.

_ Remember that with every piece of you _

He had lost all feeling for his body now and with the last bit of strength he could gather, he smiled. A sharp pain whirled through his body and the world world went out of focus. And so Remus Lupin’s life came to an end and in his last seconds he dreamed about an "I love you" whispered into his ear all those years ago.

_ Hm, and it's the only thing we take with us when we die _

* * *

Two boys stood on the edge of a lake, oblivious to the camera and everything around them. They were holding onto each other while watching the sun glitter away. And when the last ray of light shone upon them from the brim of horizon they turned to each other and kissed passionately. They did not know about the flash of a camera going off, nor about the horrors of the future. They were just two teenagers in love and that was all that counted. 

_ Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul _

_ And it's the only thing that I know, know _ ** _._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for breaking your heart :(


End file.
